It's been quite a while since I have genuinely enjoyed the company of my own thoughts. I remember how I used to write all the time and how the words flew from my mind as freely as the wind that blew the curtains of our balcony. I remember how when I was younger, quiet contemplation and writing were as natural to me as blinking. I guess when you grow older, you don't just lose touch with friends or loved ones; but you can also lose touch with yourself — or at least, old parts of yourself. I realize now, for years, I have spent a lot of time, money and effort just escaping my own mind. I did not want to deal with the stress or the pressure that kept me up at night so I resorted to keeping myself busy with work, exercise, spending time with friends and even hobbies such as writing about trips. I hoped that these would exhaust me to a point that I would not have any energy at all to think at the end of the day. I mean, all those activities were not bad things. If anything, those activities of mine have helped me become a better version of myself. However, I realize that I also used them as excuses not to be alone with myself and truly indulge in introspection. When was the last time I had a conversation with myself and truly enjoyed it? I sound crazy but it's a very valid question from my point of view. I've spent a lot of effort purposely not entertaining my own thoughts because they brought about negative energy. I could barely remember the last time I had a moment like this — thinking about something non-money generating or non-productive concerns. Surprisingly, it's been years. Though I do hope I find more opportunities like this. As I ramble about all these things at nearly 12am in the morning, I can't help but feel a quiet sense of security. I am comforted thinking that not all things are lost in time and fast paced living. Sometimes, all we need to do is find moments to just truly reconnect with ourselves and with our own thoughts.
P.S. I have very poor skills in terms of punctuating and checking run-ons or fragments but joke's on you because you finished my whole word vomit and you gotta admit you liked it just a little bit